I don't think there's a sense of running out of time. Age has nothing to do with it. I've had sharp reminders of the fragile nature of human life and don't think that anyone should plan things in accordance with ageing.
XX says she's had years of drunken passionless fumbles with people she's felt no attraction to. That's exactly what I haven't had! This is perhaps the actual source of me feeling like there's something I need to get out of my system. I've experience love before. In fact, love and sex aren't remotely linked in my mind because it's only recently that I've had sex with someone I love. My years spent single were spent with little or no female interest whatsoever.
I had a brief look at the map and dismissed it as ridiculous. For a start, I don't and never want to feel like I'm working through a list and ticking boxes. A sexual act should only be performed if you want it, not because you've heard about someone else doing it and you don't want to miss out. I never want to shit on a snake while simultaneously pissing at a religious relic or whatever is on that thing.
Our goal of inviting another girl to join in having sex with us appeals to both of us as XX is bi-sexual although XX also feels that her having sex with another female doesn't quite balance out me having sex with someone else. She is right to say that It's a lot easier to cope with your partner having sex with someone of the same gender.
I love XX so much that I'd hate for her to put herself through something like an open relationship for my benefit alone. I'd be happier staying faithful and not even glancing at another girl if it meant that XX felt secure and loved. For both of us to enjoy sex outside our relationship, I think we both need to have the exact same feelings as each other.
I take your point about the age thing and take back what was a pretty stupid remark. That was actually part of more stuff I'd written originally, but I took most of it out and left on its own it is stupid.
ReplyDeleteOf course the map is ridiculous. It just made me think, especially because I do sometimes feel like you're in a hurry to do more. It's actually pretty crap because I think it belittles people's actual sexual experiences - it squashes them all into this tiny corner and says "Look at all the other stuff you're too boring to do! What you do is worth nothing!" Of course it doesn't really. It's just a picture. But that's the message I got when I first looked at it.
I'm not sure if I don't think my having sex with another girl balances out you having sex with someone else. I don't think it works like that. I think there's a difference, because obviously you can't be directly compared to a girl whereas I can be. I'm sure you'd feel far more threatened by me having experiences with other boys - it just makes sense, because rather than a vague "is it better with them?" you can actually wonder about specifics.
But on the other hand, my having sex with a girl brings up a whole massive thing of, what if I discover I like it better with girls? Which would actually be a bigger issue in the long term. So I certainly don't think it's less significant, and if I ever imply that you have less to worry about, please feel free to correct me.
I really worry that you think I'm "putting myself through" an open relationship. I worry that you think you want this more than I do. What I meant in my post was that I feel no urgency to do it at the moment. I think in time I will, to be honest. But for now I'm happy to do it, but would feel equally happy not doing it. I don't think you want it more than me, I just think you want it sooner.
And I do understand why it's more of an issue for you, though I should point out that during my "years of passionless drunken fumbles", those fumbles were few and far between, and really didn't amount to very much. I'm half tempted to do a post detailing my passionless drunken fumbles just to show what I mean, but I'm not sure how you'd feel about that. The point is, I could if I wanted to. Because there's just so little to tell.
And that's why I still feel like I've got things I want to do too. I just don't feel particularly inclined to do them yet.